


Jelly Beans

by roguewn



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/M, High School AU, Hurt/Comfort, OOC, Rey's POV, Romance, Third person narration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:47:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23949367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roguewn/pseuds/roguewn
Summary: Rey has been admitted to the prestigious Lars Institute, a private high-school whose students are among the brightest in the country. On the first week of school, she finds a boy sleeping under a tree. Ben Solo is the smartest student of the school. Rey, on the other hand, is not so bright. This is the tender love story between a scruffy-looking genius and a lively girl who finds something to save even in the darkest people.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 12
Kudos: 73





	Jelly Beans

**PLEASE NOTE:** all characters in this story are 14-year-olds. Please keep in mind their age as you read, because most of their thoughts and actions are conditioned by the fact they're just young kids. Despite being an adult, I tried to potray the feelings of these children as they should be, sometimes careless, sometimes too naive or too emotional. That's the beauty of that age after all, isn't it?♥

**Jelly Beans**

  
  


The first time she sees him, he doesn’t look good.

Rey has just been admitted to the prestigious Lars Institute, a private high school whose entrance exam is said to be harder than most of the college ones.

Rey is not particularly smart, actually her teachers only ever referred to her as ‘below average’, but from what her parents told her, her grandfather and the principal of the Lars Institute are old acquaintances – and that’s how she got in.

She doesn’t really care about grades or the fact that she’s been admitted to section F, which is considered the dunce class of the school. Her friend Rose has been admitted as well (section B, one of the top classes) and she looks forward to spending the best years of her youth having fun and falling in love a hundred times per day.

Her first week cannot get any better, she thinks as she hops and sings beside Rose on her way to school, when she spots a person on the ground in the shadow of a big oak tree.

“Oh my god, he fainted!” Rey shrieks, dropping her school bag. “He has our school uniform! Should we call an ambulance? The headmaster?”

Rose pats her on the back. “He’s just sleeping. Better leave him alone.”

“But why? Class is about to start.”

“That’s Ben Solo. He got first place in the entrance exam and he’s famous for being a total douche.”

Rey furrows her eyebrows, eyes going from Rose to the boy, Ben. That doesn’t sound to her like a reason to ignore someone in need.

“...Maybe he’s not feeling well! Go ahead, I’ll check that he’s alright.”

Before Rose can stop her, Rey is already running through the freshly-cut grass of the school park, uniform skirt flapping in the light breeze, straight to the big oak tree. 

The sleeping boy, Ben Solo, has long eyelashes and a cascade of black locks over his face. Some fallen autumn leaves, bright yellow and orange, got stuck in his dark mane. He looks like a sleeping prince, Rey thinks.

She crouches down beside him, palms on her bare knees. “Are you alright?”

He tilts his head to her side and opens his eyes slowly. Rey can’t figure out their color, it’s a mix of the autumn shades.

He barely opens his mouth. 

“Stay back. Stupidity is contagious.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**_September. School garden. There’s a boy with autumn in his hair._ **

  
  
  
  
  
  


* *

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Look! Section A is having P.E.!”

“Oh my god, Poe looks SO good!”

“Did you see Finn? He’s so broad!”

“Who would you choose between Poe and Finn?”

“What?! Don’t make me choose, come on!”

“Yeah, like they would ever date you anyway!”

“Same goes for you!”

“It’s not like any of us has any chance with the A boys.”

“They’re playing soccer! Look at those legs!”

“Aaah!”

Rey sighs softly, her cheek melting into her palm as she looks out of the window. Rose chuckles beside her. “Is your class always this chaotic? Those girls are making such a fuss.”

“Only when Section A is playing–” she turns around, shocked. “What are you doing here?”

“Professor Holdo asked me to deliver the program for the Christmas market to every class.” Rose looks around. “Where is your professor?”

“Bathroom, I think?”

“So you’re not having class?”

“It’s our self-study hour.”

Rose smirks. “You call this studying?”

Rey glances at the classroom. Some people have their noses deep into their books, but most of them are gathered in groups around the desks, discussing and playing. Someone is drawing dragons on the chalkboard. Most of the girls are at the window, fangirling over the boys from Section A, as always.

“I am studying,” she says proudly, puffing her chest and showing her notepad full of doodles. “Art.”

“Your ‘art’ looks surprisingly a lot like a certain someone from Section A,” Rose says, eyebrows moving up and down. 

“Don’t tell me you don’t like the A boys because no one in this school would believe you,” Rey rolls her eyes. “Team Poe or Team Finn?”

“Neither,” Rose says, looking through the papers in her arms. She clears her throat. “I’m actually Team Armitage.”

“The redhead?!”

“You might want to keep your voice down since he’s only like, twenty feet away.” Rose is suddenly blushing and Rey realizes it’s the first time she sees her friend blushing for a boy. It’s serious. 

“Besides, he was third place in the entrance exam. He’s very smart.”

Rey has to roll her eyes. “What is it with the people of this school and brains? You only care about that!”

“Maybe because getting admitted to this school is almost as hard as getting into Harvard? You’re the only one who doesn’t realize how prestigious this institute is.” Rose smiles. “And isn’t your crush the very smartest of the entire school anyway?”

Rey puffs her cheeks. “I don’t like Ben because he’s smart! I like him because he’s handsome, smart, charming, good at sports, has beautiful eyes and–”

“What?”

Both Rey and Rose turn around. The whole group of girls at the other window is looking at them in silence.

“Did you just say you like Ben? As in, Ben Solo?” says one of the girls, long brown hair and a mole near her mouth. Jessika Pava, the leader of the A Boys Fanclub.

“ _The_ Ben Solo?” echoes another girl, blond hair and small face. Kaydel Connix. “That stuck up, insufferable, crazy-haired jerk?”

Jessika looks at her like she must be crazy. “Rey… what is wrong with you? He’s famous for being an asshole! He does and says whatever he wants just because his uncle is the principal of the institute!”

“He’s ugly inside and out!” adds another girl from the batch.

Rey looks sincerely surprised by those words and Rose has to hold back a laugh. Rey never had bad opinions of anyone, she always saw the best in every person, even the most desperate cases.

“He’s not a jerk and he’s not ugly either!” she retorts, sounding sincerely convinced. “He’s a good student, has never broken any rules even though, as you said, he could do whatever he wants because his uncle is the principal! But he just studies hard and never skips a day of school! Also, he’s very tall and handsome!”

The silence that falls after her words makes Rey think she managed to convince all of her classmates. She smiles, feeling satisfied.

Rose pulls at the sleeve of her uniform, looking concerned as she hides her face behind the papers. “Uh, Rey…”

Everyone is looking outside of the window, where all the boys from Section A are looking back at Rey. Section F is on the ground floor and the windows look out directly onto the soccer field.

Rey freezes. Everyone heard her defense speech about Ben Solo.

Including the person concerned.

He’s standing behind his classmates, still in the middle of the field. Sweat is dripping down his forehead, but he doesn’t look concerned or embarrassed. In fact, his face doesn’t betray any emotion.

Rey meets Ben’s eyes. He forms a word with his mouth, no sound coming out.

_Idiot._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**_October. Class window. I’m so embarrassed I could die._ **

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


* *

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Wow, Rey, it’s beautiful!”

The cafeteria is full and Rose takes her usual seat in front of Rey. She is doodling on her ever-present notepad, but this time she looks more focused than usual. Her lunch is still mostly intact.

“What is it?” Rose asks, pointing a carrot in the general direction of the notepad. 

“I’m in charge of the logo for our class Christmas stall, but I haven’t come up with anything worthy yet and I only have a week left!”

“It seems to me you came up with several ideas already.”

“Yeah, but none of them are good enough.”

“You’re too hard on yourself. You were always great at drawing, sometimes I wonder why you didn’t sign up for art school.”

Rey shrugs without looking up from her notepad, as if it doesn’t really concern her. “My parents think this school opens a lot of doors, whatever that means. Besides, if I want to draw I can do it whenever and wherever I want.”

Rose chuckles. Typical Rey, a beacon of positivity and the embodiment of the ‘no problem’ attitude on earth. She always liked that side of her. 

“Aaah!” Rey ruffles her hair and grabs her rubber, erasing half of what she has drawn so far. As the papers shuffle in the process, one of them peaks from the bunch and Rose notices it’s full of doodles of someone who looks strangely familiar.

“Rey, is that–” 

“Hey.”

Both Rey and Rose look up to see none other than Armitage Hux and his friends stopping by their table. Rey has to admit that he looks much taller and maybe even a little more handsome from up close.

The way his fingers linger casually on Rose’s hand doesn’t go unnoticed in Rey’s eyes.

“Rose?!” she shrieks, covering her mouth with both hands a moment later. She looks around cautious before whispering. “Are you two…?”

Rose chuckles. “Relax, it’s not a secret.” She takes Armitage’s hand. “I would have told you, we decided to start dating the other day.”

“She begged me,” Armitage smirks and Rose is quick at elbowing him in the gut.

“That’s for the bullshit.”

Rey laughs. “This is amazing! Rose, just last month you were telling me you were Team Arm– ouch!”

Rose smiles brightly as if she didn’t just kick Rey in the shin under the table. Armitage furrows his eyebrows. “What were you saying?”

Under Rose’s terrified stare, Rey opens her mouth to reply with her usual candor, when one of Armitage’s friends swiftly steals the peaking paper from her notepad.

“What’s this?” He looks at the doodles, eyes growing wide. He starts laughing. “Oh my god! Look at this!”

The small group gathers around him and soon, they’re all making funny noises. Rey reaches out to them.

“Give it back! Give it back!”

“No way!” the boy says, running off to another table, where Ben Solo is sitting with other top students.

“Solo, look at this!” He says, handing Rey’s doodles to him. “There are so many! “ _Ben looking bored during lunch break, Ben eating candies at the vending machine, Ben playing soccer_ ”... this is so creepy, I have literal shivers! Is she a stalker or something?”

 _I’m not a stalker_ , Rey wants to scream, _I just doodle him every time I happen to see him! I’m not following him around!_

Ben takes the drawings to look at them. He looks unaffected by the discovery, his lips barely twitching as he seemingly examines the doodles.

Rey quickly snatches the paper from his hand. “Stooop! Don’t look!”

She straightens the paper with shaky fingers, pouting. “It’s not like I ever bothered you, I just like to draw interesting people…” she mumbles.

“Liar! There is only Ben on that paper.”

“Shut up!”

“Rey loves Beeeen!”

“I said shut up!”

Ben stands up abruptly from his seat, his lunch tray only half-empty. He sinks both hands in the pockets of his uniform trousers and walks by Rey without looking at her. As their arms brush and she smells the fresh scent of recently-washed clothes, he says something to her.

“That doesn’t look like me at all.”

Rey follows him with her eyes as he walks away.

She is sure the corner of Ben’s mouth twitched for a moment.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**_November. Cafeteria. His smile is beautiful._ **

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


* *

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_Ding, ding, ding_

“Oh-oh-oh!” 

_Ding, ding, ding_

“Merry Christmas! Come taste our fantastic Christmas cookies!”

_Ding, ding, ding_

Jessika walks out of the stall and pulls at her sleeve. “Rey… cut it out with the bell. Customers are annoyed.”

Rey can’t see much behind the white curls of her wig, but she can make out Jessika’s exhausted face. “Why? It’s so Christmas-y!”

“You use it too much! We need to attract customers if we want to win!”

“Jessika, we’re raising money for charity, it doesn’t matter which class raises more money, it’s not a challenge!” 

“I still want our class to be the first, so stop using that bell!” She gives Rey the once-over. “Couldn’t you choose a costume that was less… ridiculous?”

As Jessika walks back into the stall, Rey shrugs and turns her attention back to her role.

Lars Institute has a tradition of holding several events throughout the year to raise money for nonprofit organizations, starting with the Christmas market a few days before the Christmas holidays start. Every class sets up a stall where they can entertain customers, sell handmade items or food, under the supervision of the professors. 

These events are held in the vast school garden and it’s the only time of the year where the prestigious school is open to the public, so it’s always overcrowded.

Rey looks up at the dark blue sky and exhales a few puffs of hot breath into the cold air, chuckling at the sight. She doesn’t have a favorite season, but she likes winter because of the festivities. The city is full of lights and people look happier, which in turn makes her happy.

“Who are you supposed to be, Santa Claus’ elf?”

Rey recognizes the voice before her eyes meet the tall figure in front of her. 

Ben Solo is standing there in a warm coat with a fur hood. His pitch black hair is longer than Rey remembers, it reaches his shoulders by now, and they’re as messy as always. A few snowflakes found their way between his locks, their whiteness making a stark contrast.

Lost in her thoughts, she almost forgets to answer him. “N-No, I’m Mrs. Claus!”

Ben tilts his head to the side, unexpressive. “Then why do you have a beard?”

“Uh…”

He scoffs, turning away. “What nonsense…”

“He-Hey, wait!” Rey rushes inside the stall and quickly out again, reaching Ben in the middle of the street. She opens her gloved palm and smiles. “For you.”

Ben looks down at the cookie in her hand. It’s a big round chocolate cookie with a Christmas tree decoration. He looks back up at her. 

“I don’t like chocolate.”

Rey’s smile doesn’t falter. “Don’t worry, I chose a bitter chocolate one! It’s very good, trust me.”

He hesitates, but eventually fishes his wallet from the back pocket of his jeans. “How much?”

Rey’s eyes grow wide. “No, no, it’s a gift!”

“This is for charity, isn’t it? Wouldn’t it be better to make more money rather than the contrary? Why would you even waste food like this?”

“Well, but…”

Ben takes the cookie and places a banknote on her palm. He’s not wearing gloves. 

“Just take it.”

Rey takes the banknote with both hands and holds it upfront like she’s never seen it before in her life. “Thanks…”

He shrugs and walks away. As he turns around the corner, Rey sees him take a first bite of the cookie. Then, a second.

She smiles.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**_December. Christmas market. His hands are cold._ **

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


* *

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


No one is supposed to wander around the hallways when the lessons already started, but Rey has an important task to accomplish that brings her all the way to the east wing of the school, where the professors’ lounge is. 

Tight in her arms, her class proposals for the Spring Festival, which their professors will have to check and approve before the students can move on to the preparations. Rey is very much excited about the festival, because it will be the first festival of her high-school life and also the first event that takes place during a warm season. 

She’s humming the tune of her new favorite song as she thinks of luscious trees and beautiful spring flowers, when she hears a voice that makes her instinctively stop and jump behind the nearest corner.

“It _is_ a big deal, Ben.” It’s the voice of a woman.

“I was first in the midterm exam rankings.”

Rey covers her mouth with one hand to hold back a surprised sound. She moves slowly to the edge of the corner to take a glance at the corridor. 

Ben Solo is standing in the middle of the corridor, at the crossroad between the east and the south wing. Rey knows that at the far end of the south wing is the principal’s office and she guesses that’s where the boy is coming from.

With him are two adults, a woman and a man who she guesses are his parents. They both look quite displeased, while Ben seems as indifferent as always.

“How long do you think you can keep ranking first if your grades keep dropping? This is the lowest grade you’ve ever got in an exam.”

Rey tilts her head to see better. She doesn’t quite get what she’s hearing: she’s sure it’s not possible that Ben’s parents are complaining about his academic performance, he’s the best of the best. 

Ben doesn’t look affected by his mother’s words, but his fists suddenly clench.

“Maybe if I didn’t have to attend uncle Luke’s courses I’d have more time to study…”

“Your uncle is giving you a special preparation for college and you know he has ties with the biggest Universities in the country. You should be grateful he’s taken you under his wing.” Ben’s father looks distressed, rather than displeased.

His mother places both hands on his shoulders. As she does so, Ben’s fists relax.

“Ben,” she speaks with a softer voice now. “You know we’re only doing this for you. We don’t want you to waste your potential–”

“I wanted to go to art school,” Ben says, bitterly.

Rey almost gasps. Does Ben like drawing too? Is that why he smiled when he saw her doodles?

His father scoffs. “Art is not going to make you a living, kid. You don’t understand this now, but you will when you grow up.”

The woman nods slowly, then sighs. “Maybe you should drop out of the soccer club. It takes away too much time from your studies.”

Ben’s eyes grow wide in disbelief. “No… I don’t want to drop out. I…” his head drops. “I will study more. I will get full grades next time.”

Rey hides behind the vending machine as the Solo family passes by her. Ben’s parents walk by each side of him and he keeps his eyes on the ground. It looks like he bears the weight of the world on his shoulders and Rey feels a pang in her chest.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**_February. School hallway. I know a secret._ **

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


* *

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Rey wakes up to the sound of birds chirping out of the window. She doesn’t recognize the ceiling of the school at first and she has a pounding headache.

“Oh, you finally woke up! Thank God,” says a woman Rey recognizes as Qi’ra, the school nurse. Her perfect white teeth seem to shine in the early afternoon light as she smiles at Rey. 

Rey slowly sits against the headboard of what she finally realizes it’s the bed of the school infirmary. She rubs her forehead as she slowly remembers the events that lead to her brief demise.

They were playing volleyball in the school yard for P.E., but the sky was so pretty that day and it got Rey easily distracted. That’s when Jyn Erso from Section C decided it was a good chance to recover some points for her class and aimed her next dunk directly at Rey. 

The ball hit Rey right in the face and knocked her out cold. 

“Was I asleep for long?” Rey asks, removing the wet towel from her forehead. 

“Just half an hour, your friends have left not long ago. It seems like you’re on good terms with many people from the other classes, it was so crowded in here!”

Rey smiles. She could bet Rose, Kaydel, Paige, Jessika, Jannah and maybe even Armitage were there. She can still smell the sweet scent of Jessika’s perfume.

“Well, let me inform your professor that you woke up. Don’t leave, I still need to do a medical examination before you go.”

Rey nods and pulls up the blanket to cover her stomach. The window is open and there’s a whiff of spring in the air already. She closes her eyes and inhales deeply, smiling.

When she opens them again, someone is rustling through the medicine drawer. Rey almost faints again when she spots Ben Solo in front of her bed.

He is not looking at her, seemingly busy finding something in the drawer. Rey doesn’t know if she should say something, but maybe he didn’t even notice her, so she doesn’t. 

“You dropped dead like a ton of bricks.”

Rey’s head snaps back in his direction. “Y-You were there?”

Ben seems to have found what he was looking for as he reads something on the back of a small box of pills. 

“The windows of this building all look out on the field. The whole school saw.”

Of course, he was in class. Why would he be there during another class P.E. hour?

“Are you sick?” Rey can’t help but ask. “You should wait for the nurse, you can’t take medicine without permission.”

“Headache,” he simply says, still not looking at her. Rey still checks the state of her hair, just to be safe. “The nurse knows.”

“Oh. I’m sorry you don’t feel well…” she bites her lower lip, when she’s suddenly struck by a realization. “If your desk is near the window, the sunlight might be hurting your eyes during this season! You could try putting something on the window or moving seats.”

Ben finally looks at her. It’s incredible how he always manages to feign complete indifference to everyone around him. 

“Shouldn’t you be worrying about yourself?”

His stare lingers on Rey just one more moment and when he walks out, she notices he has not taken any medicine with him.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**_March. School infirmary. I need to make cookies for Jyn Erso of Section C._ **

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


* *

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Rey, stop rolling on the grass, you’ll get your blouse dirty!”

Rey just laughs and stops to lie on her back, arms and legs spread as she basks in the sun. It’s a wonderful spring day, the sky is clear and the sunlight is warm.

Kaydel clears her throat. “Are you sure you don’t need a hair dryer or something?”

Rey drops her chin to her chest and inspect the big wet stain at the bottom of her blouse. Kaydel accidentally spilled water all over her during lunch break, but Rey doesn’t seem to mind.

“The sun is hot! I’ll just stay like this until it’s okay.” She sounds very much enthusiastic about the prospect of basking in the sun for a while longer. 

Lunch break will soon be over, but most of the students are still enjoying their time in the yard. It’s hard to keep up with classes clearly designed for way smarter people than her, but maybe even the boring Lars Institute has some good points, Rey thinks as she feels her face getting warmer and sees a million stars behind her closed eyelids.

“Did you know that Poe is dating Zorii from Section B?”

“Yeah, figured. Smart people hang out with smart people.”

“Tell Rey. She’s still crushing on Jerkstein.”

‘Jerkstein’ is the nickname her friends have given Ben Solo, a mix between Einstein and jerk. Rey opens her eyes and bends her head backward to look at them, without moving an inch. She mainly sees the tall grass leaves and her friends’ feet from that perspective, but it’s fine.

“He’s not a je-erk,” she sings. “He’s actually very nice in his own way.”

“Says who?” Rose wonders, earning a few chuckles from the other girls.

Rey doesn’t answer, she just smiles more and closes her eyes again. The grass feels nice under her fingers, the breeze caresses her skin and the sun–

Someone is blocking the sun.

Rey sees a shadow behind her eyelids and opens her eyes to find two intruders.

“Are you making snow angels in spring?” Ben Solo says, a colorful pack of candies from the vending machine in his hand. It looks like he was just passing through the yard on his way to class.

The girl beside him is tall and has beautiful legs. Her blonde hair shines in the sunlight and her ice blue eyes pierce right through Rey as she says, “It’s not really appropriate for a girl to be lying with her legs spread like that, you know?”

“Funny you say that, but you’re the one who keeps the skirt way shorter than allowed by the school regulations,” Jessika says, with her usual taking-no-shit attitude.

Rey doesn’t really register the conversation. Her eyes have been locked with Ben’s the whole time.

“I’m– I’m a lizard.”

She has no idea why she says it. It sounded funny in her mind. Maybe she just doesn’t want him to think she’s really so dumb as to make snow angels with no snow. 

He doesn’t even flinch. “That’s so stupid…”

He walks away, and the blondie locks her arm with his as she chuckles. “She’s so funny.”

Once they’re out of reach, the whole group explodes.

“Isn’t that Gwen Phasma from Section A?”

“Whaaat? She got second place in the entrance exam.”

“They’re from the same class, no wonder they became close.”

“As expected, smart people date smart people.”

“And jerks date jerks.”

Rey doesn’t say anything. She simply follows the couple with her eyes, a sinking feeling in her stomach. They do look good together, she thinks.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**_April. School yard. I had too much sun._ **

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


* *

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


She is late on her way to class and doesn’t expect to find anyone still in the hallway.

Ben Solo is at his locker, taking some books. He doesn’t seem in a hurry, even though he must be as late as she is.

Rey instinctively slows down, even though she doesn’t mean to. They really don’t have anything to talk about.

Still, her feet stop just a few lockers away from him and she stares.

“Ah…”

She covers her mouth. She didn’t mean to say anything, but it’s too late because she caught his attention.

Ben looks in her direction, his left ear peeking from the cascade of dark hair. Rey knows she has to say something before looking like a complete fool.

“E-Ehm… Gwen… is your girlfriend?”

Ben closes his locker. “Yes.” He fixes the strap of his backpack on his shoulder. “I like _smart_ girls.”

Rey swallows. “O-Oh. Really?”

He doesn’t say anything. She realizes she doesn’t need him to.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**_April. School lockers. It hurts._ **

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


* *

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The Skywalker Ranch is officially the biggest farm outside the city and unofficially one of the many properties of the principal of Lars Institute.

It’s a great day for a school trip planned around an open farm full of animals; the sun is bright, but there are just enough clouds for the weather not to be too hot.

All first year students are gathered around the horse pens, which means students from all Sections are having class together.

“Rey, you need to move on!” Jannah says, her tie loosened around her neck. 

Rose nods. “Enough with Ben Solo, there are so many other guys in our school.”

“Yeah, and nicer ones for sure.” Jessika adds. “Not that it takes much to be nicer than Ben Solo.”

“Rey, I can help you find a boyfriend, if you want,” Kaydel offers.

Rey rests her chin on her arms crossed on the wooden fence. “It’s not that I want a boyfriend,” she sighs. “I just... like him…”

The other girls exchange exhausted looks.

“Why do you even like him? He always acts so superior.”

“He’s a bad person. He thinks everyone around him is stupid.”

Rey curls her lips and turns around to face her friends. “It’s true, he says mean things, but… I think he just doesn’t know how to relate to people. I think he just wants someone to tell him that he’s good enough and that he’s loved.”

The other girls fall silent. Rey is aware no one has seen the sides of Ben that she’s seen and no one would understand, but she still doesn’t like when people speak ill of him.

Rose pinches her cheek with affection. When Rey meets her eyes, she’s smiling. “Rey, you said a beautiful thing.”

“I wish you were right, Rey,” Jannah adds.

“Uh, girls…” Kaydel mumbles, nodding behind them.

Rey turns to find Ben maybe a dozen feet away. He’s near the pens, but his head is turned in their direction and he’s clearly looking at them.

“Oh no, do you think he heard?”

“That’s embarrassing, what do we do?!”

“Why isn’t Gwen with him?”

Rey covers her face with the timetable of the school trip. _I shouldn’t have said that. It isn’t my place to say these things about him._

When she emerges from behind the papers, Ben is nowhere to be seen.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**_May. School trip. I am a fool._ **

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


* *

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“This torture’s over and we won’t have to think about it for three months!” Kaydel says, dropping on Jessika’s seat like dead weight.

Rey chuckles, doodling flowers in the corner of a page. “I get it that you won’t be studying much this summer?”

“What’s the point? We’re Section F anyway.”

“Yeah, but Section F of this institute is like the top class of all the other schools. You’re all so intelligent.”

Greer ruffles her hair as she takes her seat beside Rey. Her long curly hair is tied in a bun. “ _We_ are. Why do you cut yourself out? You got admitted to this school too.”

Rey shrugs. “That’s mostly my parents’ doing.”

“I find you really intelligent, Rey,” Kaydel says. “It seems like you have your head up in the clouds, but sometimes you really surprise us with your words. I don’t think intelligence should be measured by academic standards alone.”

Rey smiles, “Thank you, Kaydel.”

“By the way, aren’t you happy?”

“Why?”

“Student council members of the first year are visiting every class today for the Suggestion Box.”

Rey frowns. “What is the ‘Suggestion Box’?”

Greer smirks. “Oh, it’s a stupid tradition of the institute. At the end of every year, they collect anonymous suggestions from the students on how to improve the school, teachings and all of that. But basically it’s just a chance for us to shit on the professors without fearing consequences.”

Kaydel nods. “The student council members collect messages from all the classes of their year. The last two hours of lessons of the last day are suspended so we can do that.”

“And you know who the SCM of the first year are, right?” Greer adds, still smirking.

Rey knows, of course. It could be none other than Ben Solo and Gwen Phasma, the two top students of the first year.

“Speaking of which, isn’t it weird how we haven’t seen them together lately?”

Rey doesn’t know and doesn’t care. The thought of facing Ben again after what happened at the Skywalker Ranch last month is almost unbearable.

_He heard me, I’m sure of it..._

She hides her head between her arms and whines. “It’s too embarrassing…”

“Don’t worry, he won’t even look at us. It’ll be over soon.” Greer assures.

Rey lifts her forehead from the desk and looks at the small book at the center of it. The cover is full of doodles and in a corner there’s a little “Rey’s diary” written in cursive.

She usually doesn’t bring it to school, but today is different. She goes through the pages, she wrote down everything that happened during her first year of high-school, but most days have at least one or two lines about Ben. He has been in her mind for the whole year, but now she isn’t sure she should keep doing this.

_He has a girlfriend and he doesn’t like me. More than that, he won’t ever like someone like me._

Rey didn’t start liking Ben because she expected something. For her, it was enough to look at him from afar, like you do with a star. She never dared to get close to him or to confess her feelings. She wouldn’t even know how to do that. 

It didn’t hurt in the beginning, but now it’s almost unbearable. Rey never thought that seeing him with another girl would hurt this much. She didn’t realize her feelings had grown so deeply with time. She didn’t realize she had truly fallen in love with someone who is so incredibly out of her reach.

She has a good feeling about that boy. She knows that deep down, he isn’t as bad as everyone thinks he is and she’s sure Gwen Phasma sees that in him, that’s why she likes him.

_That’s right. They are together and I have no place in this story anymore. I never had one to start with._

The diary is just a painful reminder of her feelings and of all the times she made a fool of herself in front of him. She brought it along today to get rid of it once and for all.

The door opens and Ben Solo walks into the class, followed by Gwen Phasma.

“Good morning.”

Professor Ackbar leaves his desk to welcome them. “Is it already time for the Suggestion Box? Alright kids, I will leave you alone so you can do your thing. Please behave and don’t forget to copy the homework I wrote on the chalkboard. Remember that three months pass in the blink of an eye! I’ll see you later to say goodbye.”

Ben and Gwen stand behind the professor desk and place a small box on it.

“As most of you surely already know, this is the Suggestion Box. You can write your complaints or suggestions for the school and they’ll be delivered to the principal. Please take it seriously and refrain from using foul language.”

Rey sighs. Ben is as cool as always, he really suits the class president role. She opens her diary: since this is the last day, she might as well write one last page. She can pour all of her feelings out and then be done with it. Sounds like a plan.

“Who are Section F class presidents?” Gwen asks, holding up a bunch of pencils. “Distribute these pencils and papers, one for each student. You can only use the tools we provide.”

Joph Seastriker stands from his seat with his arm up. “Uhm, I am one of the class presidents.”

“Who’s the other?”

“Jessika Pava. She’s absent today.”

Gwen sighs. “Well, find a replacement.”

Kaydel turns around from Jessika’s seat and whispers, “Rey, why don’t you do it? You can get closer to Ben!”

Rey doesn’t even lift her eyes from the diary. “No way, I can’t.”

“Why?” jumps in Beaumont, Kaydel’s boyfriend. “What are you doing that is so important?” He notices Rey’s diary and with quick hands, he steals it from under her nose. “What’s this? Still studying on the last day of school? This isn’t like you, Rey.”

Beaumont Kin is what most people would call a real douchebag and no one knows what Kaydel finds so attractive in him, but she told Rey that they’ve been dating since middle school. 

Rey never thought badly of him, as she never does with anyone, but now she has to admit that she’s kinda scared of what Beaumont might do if he finds out what that book actually is.

“Beaumont, give it back!” She whispers.

“Why?” He smirks at her, then starts flipping through the pages. “Oh?”

“Kaydel, tell him to give it back!”

Kaydel chuckles. “Come on, Beaumont, stop it.”

“Oh nooo, this is too interesting,” he says.

“What is that?” Kaydel asks Rey.

Rey doesn’t answer, fearing that saying it out loud might just make everything worse. Instead, she gets up and tries to get her hands on the diary.

“Rey, this is amazing,” Beaumont laughs, running swiftly through the desks to get away from her.

“What the hell is happening back there?” Gwen rumbles. 

“Give it back, I’m serious!” Rey shrieks.

Beaumont jumps on a desk and opens his arms. “My friends, lo and behold for you will never hear anything as entertaining as this,” he points his finger at Ben. “Especially you, Ben Solo. Did you know that you’re a heartbreaker?”

Rey tries to climb the desk, but Greer holds her back. “Are you insane? If you both stand on that thing you’re gonna fall and break your neck!”

“Beaumont, stop!” Rey screams.

“ _‘September. School garden. There’s a boy with autumn in his hair. His name is Ben Solo and he’s the smartest student of the school. When our eyes met, I felt something blooming in my chest.’_ ” Beaumont reads out loud, trying to imitate Rey’s voice, but ending up sounding like a dying goose. 

Ben’s eyes lock with Rey, but she immediately looks away. She grabs Beaumont’s leg, but the boy simply jumps on the next desk, nearly falling on another student, and keeps reading.

“ _'October. Class window. I’m so embarrassed I could die. The whole class heard me defend Ben, and he heard too. I just couldn’t help it. I don’t like how the other students speak of him. They don’t even try to understand him and are quick to spit judgement. I know he has a kind side and I will find out for myself.’_ ” 

“Beaumont, that’s enough!” Kaydel says.

“Make him stop!” Rey pleads, feeling her eyes burning. This is just the worst. Just when she decided to leave it all in the past, her feelings are exposed in front of everyone in the most shameful way.

She doesn’t even care about her classmates, most of them already knew she likes Ben. But Ben is there too. And he’s with Gwen. 

_I’m so ashamed..._

Beaumont laughs and reaches the professor desk, reading Rey’s diary right in front of an impassive Ben.

“ _‘January. Classroom. Ben is always eating those fruity candies from the vending machine every time I see him. I think it suits him. I think Ben is like those jelly beans: hard on the outside, but soft on the inside. I wish more people could see the kind side of him. I know I love it.’_ ”

Rey runs out of the classroom. Greer charges Beaumont like a bull during a fight. “Beaumont, you piece of–”

Ben snatches the diary from Beaumont’s hands before he can read any more. He closes it without reading further.

“That girl is quite pathetic, isn’t she?” Gwen sighs. The silence from her classmate makes her turn around.

Ben is looking at the door where Rey has just disappeared, clutching the diary in his hands.

“What?” Gwen laughs. “Do you want to comfort her? If you’re worried, why don’t you run after her–”

Before she can finish the sentence, Ben runs away.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_Stupid, stupid, stupid. I really am stupid._

Rey keeps running blindly, the tears in her eyes making it impossible to see where she’s going.

_How am I supposed to face him from now on? How can I come to school?_

The ground is still wet from yesterday’s rain and she knows if she keeps running like that she is going to fall sooner or later.

She is so caught up in her thoughts, that at first she doesn’t even hear the voice calling her from behind.

“Hey! You!”

A warm hand wraps around her wrist, holding her back. “Stop running! It’s dangerous.”

Rey turns around, finding herself face to face with Ben Solo. He’s sweating and his cheeks are slightly flushed. 

“You– Wha– Why…” 

Ben catches his breath and hands her the diary. “This is yours, isn’t it?”

Rey trembles, tears streaming down her red cheeks. She takes the diary hesitantly.

“Thanks…”

She immediately turns away, but his voice reaches her again.

“What is written in that diary… is it true?”

Rey doesn’t understand what he wants from her. She clutches the diary to her chest and faces him again.

He looks… different. He doesn’t look as confident as usual. He is almost… 

“Do you really think those nice things about me?” 

He doesn’t look her in the eyes and Rey realizes that he _can’t_. He’s embarrassed.

She sobs. “I’m sorry. Forgive me.”

He frowns.

“I know you have a girlfriend and I know I talk too much. I shouldn’t have said those things about you, I wasn’t trying to be presumptuous.” Rey wipes her cheeks with the back of her hand and tries a smile. “I am really happy for you and Gwen. Please forget everything that happened today. I was going to destroy this diary anyway.”

She starts to leave, but he doesn’t let her. He takes her wrist once again, gently but firmly.

Rey looks at his hand wrapped around her small wrist, then looks up to meet his eyes. There is a light breeze that shifts her long brown hair from her shoulders. 

“Do you really like me even though I’m an arrogant jerk?”

Rey’s eyes grow wide. “I-I don’t think that of you.”

“You don’t?” He sounds like he doesn’t believe her, in a shocked way. His eyes move in hers, maybe in search of her true feelings.

Rey swallows. “A-At first it was hard to tell what was going on into your mind… But then I started to notice… You’re actually very kind.” She wonders if she can dare to ask this one thing. “For example… that day at the infirmary… You weren’t there for the medicine, were you? You didn’t take it…” She pauses, fearing her next words. She takes a deep breath. “Maybe you came to… see me…?”

The wind lands some small flowers from the garden trees in Ben’s hair. It reminds Rey of the first day she saw him, with the colorful autumn leaves caught in his locks. 

Ben removes a little flower from Rey’s bangs, his thumb brushing her wet cheek. He smiles.

“Smart girl.”

When he kisses her, it tastes like candies.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**_June. School garden. I can’t breathe._ **

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I approached this story differently from most of my works. I wanted it to feel kind of like a movie, with short scenes that slowly create the overall plot. I also wanted to keep the style as simple as the characters who are living the story. I'm not sure I succeeded, but I had much fun writing it.
> 
> The Rey's POV tag is because the story is basically told through Rey's diary and feelings. We know very little of Ben and of what he's thinking and I wanted to keep it like that.
> 
> This story is inspired and actually shares some similarities with a short manga story I read, which apparently is nowhere to be found online so I can't even link you the source (I have the physical copy, this story is at the end of a volume of a manga, like a side-story that has nothing to do with the main story). It's only like, ten pages, and the author ended it abruptly before the couple could even start anything, so I wanted to elaborate on that and I wrote this little fic. 
> 
> The school system here is a mix of the Italian/American/Japanese system, it was a given since I was inspired by a manga haha! Basically all the students of the story are the same age and grade, but divided in different classes named by letters. In this school system it's the professors who move from class to class, not the students. I hope it wasn't too confusing!
> 
> I really enjoyed writing this story. I finished school several years ago and it was nothing like I described here, I never really liked it much, but I still keep that feeling of being very young and feeling like the world belongs to you and how everything felt very simple back then. You didn't really have many thoughts or worries, every day was a new adventure, good or bad, but often we didn't even know those were the simplest times of our lives.
> 
> The way school is portrayed in shoujo manga was always very beautiful to me and allowed me to dream, I wanted to replicate that feeling in this story, but I don't know if I managed haha!
> 
> If you liked this story, please let me know with a comment as I'm always happy to read opinions! Also, I recently opened a ko-fi account, in case you want to support your local stressed writer: <https://ko-fi.com/roguewn>.
> 
> See you soon with the update of one of my other stories♥


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